If you’ve been reading my column from the start, you may recall that one of my goals in writing it, and my blog, is to simply bring awareness that it’s easy to start drinking more than you should, and to use my story as a cautionary tale. If you are new to this column, then you’ll need to know that I had a liver and kidney transplant almost a year and a half ago.
In talking about my transplant, I want to ensure that people know how easy it is to compromise their health, and that one drink can lead to two, and so on. I’ve mentioned all this in prior columns and talked about how my own health deteriorated to such a large extent. That’s bad enough, but what about what this does to your loved ones?
Well, they must watch you get sick, and in many respects, be involved in your care and help you to get well. That’s quite a commitment. What if you don’t get well? What if your care means months in the hospital or outpatient dialysis, or time spent in rehab? Or, let’s say there was no sickness. What if you lost your job, or got in a car accident, or got a DUI and had your license revoked?
The point is, we don’t go through any of this alone. Our family and our close friends take this journey with us, and it takes quite a toll on them. And when you’ve been drinking, your personality usually changes. You hear the term “happy drunk,” where someone loves everyone after a few drinks. There are also plenty of people who instead become mean or abusive.
I have a friend who lives out of state. She and I would connect on the phone at the end of the day and joke about how we couldn’t wait to break out the vodka. It was all great fun, until it wasn’t. She was very supportive all through my surgery and recovery, and followed my blog when I started to talk about it. Then, I heard from her late last year when she felt her own drinking had gotten out of control. After a few instances, apparently, her husband recorded her screaming at him and the young children, telling him she wanted a divorce (no, they weren’t having any problems, he just wanted her to drink less). Seeing herself like this was the impetus she needed to stop. She’s still doing well, and we check in frequently.
Recently, I had dinner with a large group that I didn’t know too well. One of the ladies had had one too many glasses of wine and was slurring her words. It was a festive time so no one made an issue of it, but I could tell her husband was uncomfortable and tried to get her to stop. It didn’t go well. But during our conversation, he was intensely interested in hearing about my experience, and I was more than happy to tell him, in case it could help. I don’t know if she had a problem per se, but from the way he was asking questions, I got the sense that maybe there might be. Especially since I could tell from their body language the next day that he was still pretty upset with her.
As I said, I hope to help ordinary people like me recognize and address these types of issues. Alcohol use is insidious and its abuse creeps up on you. No one starts out as a raging alcoholic. A few drinks during the week, maybe overindulgence on the weekend or at a special event, are not going to make you an alcoholic overnight. But if your tolerance for it gets higher, it will take more and more to make you feel the effects. Then you’re going to eventually drink far more than you should, and chase that state of inebriation. Maybe you need it to help you manage a stressful situation, or to help you cope with one major part of your life.
And the glorification of alcohol in our society is not doing anyone any favors. That’s not going to change, but if we understand that just because Hollywood tells you it’s okay, it’s not, I think that’s really all we can hope to accomplish.
Lisa Marchionda Fama is a retired attorney who has lived in Marblehead for seven years, loves this town, and hopes she never leaves. Visit her blog at TheSoberWidow.com.
