By now, the entire world has seen the footage of “Kiss Cam-gate,” in which Astronomer CEO Andy Byron was shown with his arms around the company’s Human Resources Director, Kristin Cabot, during what could have been just a brief moment scanning the audience. But instead, because they both reacted by turning away, ducking down, and hiding their faces, it became a national scandal. Why they didn’t just freeze in place is a mystery to me, because then nothing would have happened after that. Someone may have recognized him during the concert, but it is far more likely that the moment would have passed by unremarked. Usually, the Kiss Cam is a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it kind of event at any arena.
And since it was at Gillette Stadium, my friend Gretchen was there that night and told me today that there was a general announcement that a camera would be going around to highlight some people in the audience. She said the first few were just normal responses, and then it landed on THEM. (She told me she put on her lipstick just in case.)
There have been a lot of rumors, some unsubstantiated, some not, but the bottom line is this: the memes that followed were funny, especially the one at the Phillies game. The fallout for Byron’s and Cabot’s families was not. While Cabot is divorced, Byron has a wife and two children. Forget for a minute that he was forced to resign from his position, thereby sacrificing millions in pay and bonuses, which directly affect his family. The moral implications are far deeper.
His wife is faced with utter and complete humiliation, even though she did nothing wrong. She now has the choice whether to divorce him (which, given the humiliation alone is probably the route she’ll take), but the fact that this will take months of pain, negotiations, therapy for her and the kids and a boatload of money, means that her life is forever changed. And the kids will have to go back to school knowing that their father is a laughingstock the world over. Imagine that.
Divorce under regular circumstances without public scrutiny is hard enough on children. I read some statistics online courtesy of Brennan Schlagbaum whose Instagram is @budgetdog. Children of divorce are two times more likely to drop out of school, three times more likely to experience violence and instability, and four times more likely to suffer from mental illness.
Working with domestic violence victims also gives me a little insight into other matters and while there’s no sign of that here, it makes me wonder about how children perceive the way their parents treat each other. I have to think that seeing your father be unfaithful to your mother (or, to be fair, vice versa) messes with a child’s head. Think about it: Dad is teaching his child that his marriage vows were meaningless and that it’s okay to treat your partner like this. If Mom were unfaithful, it would be the same message.
Instead, teach your child that promises were meant to be kept. Honor your child’s mother or father. If you stop loving each other, there are less hurtful ways to separate and divorce. I know couples who did it the right way and put their children first. The divorce was amicable because they worked hard at it for the children’s sakes. They don’t bad mouth the other spouse in front of the children, and they still help their children honor birthdays and Mother’s Day/Father’s Day.
I also know couples who divorced due to infidelity and used their children as leverage against each other (let’s be clear – they are not my friends). What on earth can that possibly achieve and how could you do this to your own child? These are scars that run deep and it definitely affects their relationship with their parents. And long after the divorce, parents are still talking smack about the other with the children stuck in the middle. Due to the fallout, it can result in a child thinking untrue things about a parent and communication stops. It’s heartbreaking.
So while we will probably still chuckle at the memes, hopefully it will die down soon, for no other reason than Mr. Byron’s family does not deserve this. No matter the state of his marriage, he should never have subjected his wife and children to this kind of humiliation. I hope they heal and he puts in the work to make sure it happens.
