“The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.” — Pierre Corneille
If you’re one of those incredibly organized people who finished your holiday shopping back in August, this isn’t for you. It’s for the rest of us walking around the mall in a semi-stupor, wondering whether to buy the gooseberry-scented candle or the fuzzy slippers for another holiday swap party or teacher gift. I can’t lie; I’m delighted that my list of who I need to get gifts for this time of year is smaller than ever because I finally decided I’m way over it.
My children are grown, so there are no more class gifts, teacher appreciation lunches, and sports banquets to deal with. There are no bus drivers, no coaches, and no tutors. I still appreciate everyone who helped my children along the way, but it’s definitely more manageable now. There are a few challenges, though, but thanks to some of my friends and some social media ideas, I have a better strategy for this year. In no particular order, this is the plan.
- There will be no Christmas cards. I fell off this wagon a few years ago. It was an assembly line process for me. Get the cards printed after wrangling the children and the dog into an awkwardly posed snapshot, and then sit with envelopes, stamps, and my address book, writing the same tired message. I had no skin in this game; doing them was utterly devoid of genuine enthusiasm. The year that the printing company screwed up and sent me some other family’s cards was a gift I never knew I needed. It’s a safe bet that no one even noticed the lack of a Kelley-Kim card in their mailbox (that year or since), so now I’m off the hook.
- I will not make shopping for gifts a contact sport. There will be no Black Friday doorbusting and no mad dash to a store for that one last pair of Ugg slippers. The rat race of tearing around because there’s a shade of pink Stanley cup that’s the hottest gift of the year is not for me. If someone on my list wanted one, I might try to find it, but going full-on Christmas Ninja and racing someone in Target to the last one on the shelf is not how I roll.
- Experiences matter more than “stuff.” Yes, everyone pays lip service to the mantra of “It’s the thought that counts,” but do they mean it? I remember being in Marshall’s and picking up another pair of gloves, a matching hat, and a scarf for someone on my list. Just as I did almost every year—a cap, some earmuffs, maybe a cute pair of fuzzy socks and it hit me. It was a rut, a holiday trap that we all fall into, thinking that you need to get something off a shelf to make it a real gift. No, you don’t. Consider who that person is in your life and figure out an experience. Maybe lunch at a fabulous new pub, or a plan to see a movie together, or go on a Christmas light crawl in the car with a batch of freshly baked cookies and a decadent hot chocolate, extra whipped cream. Doesn’t that sound better than a candle and body lotion?
- Homemade and secondhand gifts are perfectly acceptable. Let’s start with homemade. Anyone who knows me knows I take my life in my hands when I attempt to bake, craft, or build something. So, if someone gives me a gift that they made? That’s the best idea ever. I greatly appreciate people who create gifts rather than purchase them. As for secondhand, why not? We go to stores and say no to a plastic bag for whatever plastic-packaged gift we bought, right? If we’re that concerned about the planet and reducing our carbon footprint, a vintage gift is the perfect solution. A retro toy that brings back a childhood memory, a first edition of a favorite book, or a vintage scarf that’s way cuter than anything at the mall tells your friends and family that you thought about them beyond the sales flyers and Cyber Monday deals.
Of course, this time of year shouldn’t be all about gifts, but since most of us shop for a few people, we should think outside the box. Put down the Amazon app, stay home from the mall, and think about being a presence on someone’s holiday rather than finding presents. Oh, and if you decide to go vintage, call me. I have all the best sources.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.