“Boredom: The desire for desires.”
—Leo Tolstoy
I saw this quote and was talking about it with a friend who said, “Boredom is a choice,” as if we just have to flip some mental switch to move from bored to engaged.
I don’t think I have that switch.
What is boredom? Is it the lack of anything to do, or is it a disinterest in what is available?
I think it’s a disinterest because there is always something to do; we just might not want to do it. At least that’s what my mother would tell me when I was young and annoying. Nothing would bring out the dust cloth or the dish pan faster than when I had the nerve to whine that there was nothing to do.
Do children experience boredom the same way adults do? My children have all reached adulthood, and none of them are boring people, nor am I ever bored around them. But that’s very different from the years when they were little.
Anyone who has raised a child, or cared for one, knows that toddlers and young children can be messy, demanding, and more active than a gnat on Red Bull. But that doesn’t mean they can’t also be bored. Their young minds have so many ideas, and their little bodies motor around like over-caffeinated cats.
Maybe because there is so much coming at them, “nothing to do” is more about “too much to do.” It sounds backwards, and I’m no child development expert, but it seems that could be part of boredom, at least for kids.
The flip side is that children can be dull too. That’s right, call the parent police; I said it. Sometimes when my children were little, I was bored. Not because there was nothing to do, but because children often find comfort in repetition, and adults are all “been there, done that, not going back.”
There are only so many Lego builds, Polly Pocket houses, and games of Hi Ho! Cherry-O that one parent can take before it seems like their brain will melt. Kids though? They live for, “Just one more, one more!”
It’s the dog days of summer though, and it’s all getting so old — even for kids. August, like January, has 95 days. It’s a kind of limbo. Everyone’s all “beached out.” And even the most earnest, anti-video game parents are thinking, “Maybe Minecraft isn’t such a bad thing?”
I even saw one kid in a store say to the adult she was with, “Can I please have some books? I’m tired of going to the pool.” She was only about 7 years old, but she might have cracked the code. Kids think differently and we can learn from that.
It’s OK to be tired of something, even when it’s fun, and boredom isn’t always bad.
Life will get busy again; there will be new choices and challenges. For now, though? It’s late August — lean into the boredom. Go ahead, let the kids watch too much television or have a microwaved corn dog for supper. They’ve earned it.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.