“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” — Jane Howard
The humidity and sweltering heat broke a little this past week, and a perfect Saturday of blue skies and sea breezes emerged from the long siege of stinky, sweaty air. It was a gift from the universe, as it happened to fall on the same day as a family reunion.
Family can be a tough gig for some, myself included. It’s true that we don’t get to pick our blood relatives, and in every family, there are at least a few people who don’t always get along with a few other people, and that can be tense. A friend of mine has a summer camp that is jointly owned by dozens of her relatives, and they are a textbook example of making it work, even with a bunch of different personalities and expectations.
There is a camp association with meetings, a budget, and schedules, and it goes reasonably well for them. One of the rules they have for camp, which can have upwards of 20 people staying there at a time, is that if someone is angry about an issue, no matter what, they have to let whoever is involved in it know, and they get to be mad for two days. After that, they have to zip it and get over themselves. It sounds harsh and perhaps overly simplistic, but it works.
The reunion I was at was actually a birthday celebration. Our family met cousin Kathy’s 60th birthday celebration with excited plans for a beach day and dinner. The bonus was that we planned the day at a place where many of us spent happy times together as kids. In Irish families, wakes are pretty common — when someone dies, we all show up. But it’s nice to gather and celebrate special days while we are all still here to enjoy them.
Nahant is a small town, but it’s tightly knit, and everyone knows everyone. While the whole gang did not grow up there, we’d all spent time there over the years. There’s even a restaurant at the golf course named after my uncle Charlie, who, despite having the same last name, was not related to us. He was always family, though, because family doesn’t always mean a common ancestry.
We arrived like desert camels laden with chairs, coolers, and snacks, marching in a line down the sand to find the perfect spot to make camp. You can’t just plop yourself anywhere you want on a beach; you have to think about logistics. Where is the water line? How far out is the tide? Is it coming in or going out? Do you want shade or the perfect southern exposure for tanning?
You’re good to go once you’ve staked out your spot, set up all your gear, and bandaged the toe you nearly amputated when putting up the umbrella. What’s great about a group outing is that there will be those people who want to go swimming, but others will want to build sandcastles. At least one person will want to hunt up sea glass and shells (usually me), while another will whip out all the gossip magazines they haven’t had time for and catch up on all the celebrity dirt. In some gatherings, there might be a discussion on family gossip, which is almost always about whoever isn’t there, but I will have no comment on that.
Our group this past weekend was a perfect mix of young kids and responsible adults, with a few spouses thrown in who have learned what a bunch of lunatics we can be and yet still put up with it all. After a day of sun and sand, we stumbled off the beach again, dragging what seemed like everything we owned back to our hot cars. Next stop? A handy pub with good food, cold beer, and a porch overlooking a golf course with a perfect sunset view.
Depending on who was telling what story, laughter and tears flowed over the group as memories of summers past came bubbling up. Any family, including mine, can be a hot mess at times. But on this sultry summer Saturday, when the wind and the waves were just right, it was a safe harbor of memories and moments. I can’t wait until the next milestone birthday, which I think might be mine. Stay tuned.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.