“People have a fear of the unknown. Insects have different senses than us, different amounts of limbs, and their body structure is very different. It’s hard for us to really relate to them and understand them.” — Dominic Monaghan
I understand that bugs are different from us, but I’m still terrified of them. Maybe if I had wings and a stinger, I wouldn’t be, but I don’t. Still, I will do a week’s worth of cardio to escape a bee. I don’t kill bees because I know we need them, but I absolutely will panic if they come near me.
Yes, I’ve heard, “They’re more afraid of you than you are of them,” and I’m here to tell you that isn’t remotely true. No one who has been menaced by an angry wasp believes that. Also, pro tip: Every wasp is angry all the time. If you see one, just kill it, because it’s coming for you.
When I was little, I remember hearing about “killer bees” and how they came all the way from South America, and they were, you know, killers. Now, I was maybe 9 years old, so in my head, there were death swarms of giant, fat, angry bees, apparently with flight radar and maps because they had a plan, which is pretty specific for bees.
I don’t know if they ever showed up, nor do I care to find out. However, every year, we get a ginormous bee that hangs out on our patio during the summer. I like him because he’s never come at me. He mostly flies around, hovering near the door, like a silent palace guard, with a furry head and a sharp weapon he never uses. He can stay, but the rest of his little hive mates need to leave me alone.
Now, it’s not just bees that irk me, it’s anything that flies and could bite me or scurries under things. Thankfully, we’ve never had a problem with cockroaches. I’ve seen one exactly once, and truth be told, I nearly had a stroke. Also, little furry visitors like mice, or as I call them, “rat mobsters,” give me the willies.
One random day, while at my desk in the living room, I noticed a mouse zip across the kitchen floor. Heck yes, I screamed like a 7-year-old and leaped up on my chair. Then I called the “rat guy,” who was really just the first listing I found in the phone book that looked deadly enough to get the job done. I was full-on Tony Soprano about it. I wanted the rat dead, his family dead, his house burned down, and his business ruined. The exterminator took care of it, but told me he was sure the rat didn’t have a job or a house.
A phobia like mine isn’t reality-based, but that doesn’t make it any less real. I’ve never been bitten by any rodent, and I’ve never been stung by a bee, so it’s completely irrational that I get this worked up about them, but there you have it.
Everyone has something that scares them, and it’s different for each person. I might not love them, but if you have a little garter snake in your yard, call me. They don’t bother me a bit, but I know people who would faint if they saw one. Those are my people; they get it.
So it’s summer, and our windows are open, and our gardens are in bloom, but if you get bugged by a spider, call me because I can handle those. Except if it’s one of the ones I saw on the news that are giant and vicious and are headed this way, like the killer bees of my childhood.
I did read that the headlines on those are just way overblown, and they don’t fly exactly. They swing on the webs they spin, and their legs aren’t eight inches each; they are four inches, making the total span 8 inches. But I’d still burn the house down if one showed up.
Happy summer, friends! Please stay safe and check on your bug-phobic friends — We are not OK!
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.