“If you’re OK with being clumsy, it’s funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you.”
—Leo Howard
It’s often difficult for me to stay upright — part of it is a balance disorder I have — and part of it is just a complete lack of spatial awareness. I can’t dance either, and I was 10 years old before my father had to stop putting “R” and “L” on the inside of my shoes (and on my big toes.)
It’s frustrating when I have to hold handrails — with all their germs — watch my every step, and avoid bumpy brick sidewalks and tree roots. I adore high heels but only wear them with someone I can latch on to for stability. I call my favorite red stilettos “My sitting shoes.”
I’ve learned to manage it, and I haven’t taken an epic header in a while, but I can be a bit of a disaster in other ways. My kitchen is tiny, so navigating it is difficult without some grace and coordination. I have neither, so this is a problem.
I’ve only fallen once in my kitchen, and the upside of that is that now mopping is someone else’s job. However, I have managed to break way too many glasses and dishes, spill molten caramel all over the place, set a small fire, and, just the other day, cut my finger to the bone. The simple task of slicing a bagel went very badly for me.
I immediately texted my daughter, an EMT, with a picture and asked, “What’s the best way to stop the bleeding?” Her answer? “Stitches!” So off I went to urgent care. They were very friendly and assured me that “French bread thumb” and “BRIs” (bagel-related injuries) are common and nothing to be embarrassed about.
Now I’m rocking a splint, gauze, and tape on my left pointer finger. It’s interfering with typing, doom-scrolling through my cell phone, tying my shoes, and holding a coffee cup (I’m a two-hander with hot beverages). Still, it could be worse — if it were my right hand, I’d be on the injured reserve for badminton.
Between balance issues and other accidental moments, sometimes I think I’m the most awkward person on the planet and everyone must be making fun of me. But perhaps, as Howard suggests, I should just laugh at myself and take it all a little less seriously.
I have a home, food, good friends, and a family that tolerates my bloody kitchen moments and random gravity checks. None of my mishaps have been too terrible, thankfully, so perhaps I should give myself a little grace and laugh at what I can. It will all be just fine.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.