“You can’t always get what you want,
But if you try sometime, well you might find,
You get what you need”— Mick Jagger/Keith Richards
Since it’s the holiday season, a lot of lists are out there. No, not the naughty or nice list; that’s Santa’s job. There are to-do lists, grocery lists, and, of course, wish lists. Whether we send the lists to St. Nick or family and friends, many of us want a few special items.
When my children were little, and I was trying to be a good Santa’s helper, every year, there was one toy, one game, one trendy gift that, of course, they wanted. With three kids, some years, they each magically had to have a different, nearly impossible-to-find gift. Mom powers activated! I have lined up at dawn at retail stores and ran my best time headed for the toy department with dozens of other holiday desperados.
I’ve stalked the World Wide Web, phone-banked department stores within a 100-mile radius, and even perused Craigslist and classified ads. There is nothing like the classic holiday experience of meeting in a parking lot and buying a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle out of some guy’s trunk; indeed, it’s a Hallmark moment for sure. For some years, I was unsuccessful on the wish lists, but my children always had what they needed most — a home and a family.
Kids grow up, though, and their wants change. This year, one of my kids wanted a particular pair of trendy boots that naturally were backordered everywhere. It was a joint effort; my daughter stalked the stores while I was cruising websites. Just when it looked like these boots would not show up anywhere, a holiday angel, otherwise known as the Nordstrom’s shoe-department lady, located a pair.
We were thrilled, but we’d have dealt with it if we didn’t find them. Still, at what point, if any, is it alright to say to someone, “I know you want that, but it’s not going to happen right now.” It’s always a disappointment, but at this time of year? Some of us are ready to blow a 50-amp fuse.
It’s supposed to be about magic and miracles and believing that wishes can come true if only we have faith. It’s just super hard to hold on to that belief when it’s also about supply-chain issues, finances, and supply and demand. Nobody wants to disappoint a child, but honestly, I think sometimes it’s the adults who need a lesson in “suck it up, Buttercup.”
A person in line behind me at Nordstrom’s when I was picking up the boots nearly lost her mind when it was her turn and none were left. Honestly, I get the disappointment, the pressure of this time of year, and the stress it can cause. Still, there is no reason to scream at an employee who is trying to be everyone’s holiday miracle-maker.
If it’s the thought that counts, I have to ask, “What are we thinking?” Why is there so much aggression around shopping for more “stuff” that, let’s face it, no one really needs? How do we teach our kids and ourselves the truth that Mick and Keith have known forever? Why can’t we feel the satisfaction of knowing we tried and did our best?
In this season of hope, maybe we can take the stress down a notch, step away from the store ads, the websites, and the mall, and be content with knowing that the magic of giving and receiving doesn’t happen on just a few December days. It’s always there; we just have to adjust the timeline slightly. In the meantime, perhaps looking around to see if we can help someone else make some magic is a good idea.
Here’s hoping we can all take a breath and check on each other. Sometimes, when you help someone else, you don’t get what you want, but you just might find… you get what you need.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.