“Don’t use social media to impress people; use it to impact people.”
—Dave Willis
A quote like this begs the question, “Is using social media the same as truly socializing?”
Unsurprisingly, friends who do not use social media said it isn’t socializing; it’s all fake. Heavy social media users said it was, and could point to dozens of genuine relationships they built via social media.
I think it’s a perfectly acceptable form of socializing. Many of my friends are what my kids used to call “imaginary.” They don’t live next door, we weren’t classmates, and we didn’t work together. We are friends that “met” on platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. There are even a few that go back to AOL message boards.
In those days, access was dial-up, and AOL users paid by the minute, but it was worth every penny for me. Even though it was about 25 years ago, a few fellow AOLers are still some of the most important people in my life today. They have been there for me, have mentored my children in their career choices, and have shared their lives in person and online. I treasure them.
AOL is where I began using social media, and even though it wasn’t as interactive as the platforms are today, it was an important part of my social life. Logging on, listening to the static whine of the telephone line, and then the little man saying, “You’ve got mail,” was a lifeline. It gave me the same happy feeling as when I was 10 years old, and one of the kids in the neighborhood would come knocking on the door wanting to go ride bikes or play on the swings.
As the World Wide Web developed, it became a two-way process. It was about more than just going online and getting mail. Users were encouraged to contribute to forums, bulletin boards, and websites rather than just reading mail or ads.
I remember applying for a job at TripAdvisor, the travel site. One of the skills required in the job posting was being “adept at Web 2.0,” so I asked a techie friend, “What kind of software is that? Is it free? Is it hard to use? Where do I get it? Do they have it for a Mac?”
Sure, it’s funny now, but thank goodness I asked before I went to an interview and said, “Oh, sure, Web 2.0? Been using that for a while now; I have it on my Mac.” Web 2.0 was a catchphrase about the give-and-take interaction between users and content on the web; it was social and a kind of relationship.
Users were encouraged to provide content, not just consume content already there. Of course, it’s the norm now, but it was a big deal then.
I got the job with TripAdvisor, thanks to my friend, who kept me from sounding like an amateur.
I ditched AOL when MySpace came along and kicked that habit when Facebook came along. The services were not my social circle, the people using them were, and that’s the critical difference.
Think about it. If you’ve ever had to move away from friends or family, you know how sad it can be. I’ll never forget one of my best friends leaning out of the back of her family’s station wagon, waving until the car turned off our street and away to a new place.
Staying in touch via social media isn’t fake; perhaps it’s “Friendship 2.0” I don’t distinguish between “online” and “real-life” friends anymore. If you are my friend — regardless of how we got to know each other or whether we’ve met — you are my friend.
The pandemic taught us that socializing can be done via a computer connection and on some of those days, that connection was vital.
Does my social media presence impress anyone? Probably not. Does it impact anyone? In some ways, I hope so, but then again, I’m just one person. I won’t ever be an influencer, have a “blue checkmark,” or go viral. I do, however, value the social life social media has provided and the connections it has allowed me to sustain.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.