“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
This week, I had a tough time finding a quote. I was thinking about writing something like “Not all addiction is bad,” meaning sometimes even harmless habits are hard to give up, until I decided that using the word “addiction” in that sense was pretty tone-deaf. After thinking more and taking in a huge hit of caffeine (which I’m for sure addicted to), I decided to talk about routines — why we like them, and why it’s hard when they change.
Every morning, along with my massive caffeine hit, I do the New York Times Wordle and Connections puzzles. It’s like warming up the car on a snowy morning. Nothing happens until that outer crust of ice and snow (or sleep deprivation and caffeine withdrawal) is handled. Once in a while, I forget to check the puzzle. The day gets busy, and then my streak is broken. I hate when that happens; how demoralizing. I manage to stay mentally engaged and motivated to start my day with some intellectual exercise, and then I lose it, and I’m back to day one.
If you’re not a morning person, maybe your harmless habit is at bedtime. You take the dog out for one last sniff and dump, turn off the lights, and set the drug-delivery system… I mean, coffee maker. Some of us need that ritual to bring the day to a close.
Maybe an after-work routine is your thing. When I was pregnant with my first child and got home from work, I needed to flip on the television and watch the show “Supermarket Sweep.” It was my way of decompressing after a long day. It was easy to watch, and I liked snapping back at the TV like, “Oh Marjorie, really? Go for the big roasts; why are you wasting time in the coffee aisle?” I got a little cranky if I didn’t see my frenzied shoppers.
Routines are like that; they’re familiar and give us some mental peace. Most people can leave a routine behind if they go on vacation or if something changes in their schedule. Others have trouble with that, and I get it. We like what we know; we fear what we don’t understand, and change exacerbates that fear. Many of our kids will return to school shortly, and it will be a new classroom, a new teacher, and new friends, and that can do a number on kids, even teens and college students. They’ll all get the hang of it eventually, but we should remember that it’s not easy being a kid, be nice to the ones in your life, they have a lot going on.
It’s not easy being a parent, either. For some, it’s the “empty nest.” No more driving carpool or packing lunches. Cooking dinner is now a much smaller task. Is the time it takes to make spaghetti and meatballs even worth it if there are only two people left at home?
How do you handle not having that after-school chat with your kid or not cheering them on from the sidelines of a soccer game or the audience of a dance recital? It’s a tough gig; for years, you’ve been all about being a parent, and then the day-to-day of it changes drastically. Of course it’s hard! If you know a family sending a kid off to the next part of their life, check in; they probably need to hear a friendly voice in their newly silent homes.
As much as our routines keep us grounded, sometimes a new path is necessary, not just for parents or kids but also for our communities. There are elections coming up. No matter how they go, we will be in a whole new world. It’s always hard to adjust to something new, but the alternative is the same old, same old, and that never goes well.
When faced with a change we cannot avoid, we must stay motivated daily and keep moving forward, even when figuring out how is a challenge. Hang in there, my friends. Old habits die hard, and staying in the game is difficult sometimes, but we got this.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.