“Keep your words soft and sweet in case you have to eat them.” —Andy Rooney
Obviously, I’m a word nerd. You don’t need to be a writer to understand the importance of using the right words at the right time. For me, nothing is as mortifying as saying the wrong thing or not being able to find the perfect words to convey what I mean. When you combine that with the fact that I have no verbal filter 95% of the time, things can get dicey. A good friend in college used to call me “Blurt the Merciless” because I would often speak without thinking, only to realize I had said something that should have stayed in my head.
We learn, though, and usually, if it’s the written word, I can take the time to get it right—even if I do have to watch what I say out loud.
However, I recently discovered that when texting and using emojis, it’s not always easier. Texting is far less formal than most writing, and it’s the one place I don’t go full-on grammar cop, at least not with my friends. Typos are forgiven, and bad spelling can be blamed on talk-to-text. Emojis, however? Those, my friends, can be fraught with peril.
I’ve got most of them down. Smiley face, sad face, laughing-so-hard-you-cry face—those are easy. Dogs, cats, food, and drinks are also straightforward. Well, actually, there might be a few emojis to steer clear of (yes, eggplant and taco, I’m looking at you). Imagine my surprise, however, when a friend called me after I texted her, demanding, “What do you mean by that? What’s the matter with you?”
“What’s the matter with me” is a loaded question that could be answered in a number of ways, so I simply said, “Could you be more specific?” She had texted me a delicious-looking recipe, and I replied with a thumbs-up emoji. Without even knowing it, I had suggested my friend complete an act she was anatomically unequipped to do.
I grew up watching Happy Days and “the Fonz,” so a thumbs-up is the ultimate sign of approval, right? And how many times did Tom Cruise and his flyboys from Top Gun give each other the thumbs-up sign? I find it hard to believe that, right before flying off to defeat the enemy, Maverick was flipping off his shipmates.
I guess the deck of an aircraft carrier is a different environment than the world of texting. The whole exchange sent me down the rabbit hole of the “rules” for what you should and shouldn’t say via text. Hands are a big deal. Besides the giant thumb, there’s the finger everyone knows and understands. There’s also a set of hands that, according to Emojipedia, the online emoji dictionary, indicates praying but is widely used as a high-five. There’s the “OK” sign, but I read that some people see it as a racial slur, so I’m not going to risk it. There are waving hands, too, and something called “the slow clap,” which sounds like an infection that won’t go away.
I should probably stick with words since I have more experience with them, but they can also be problematic. Reply to a text from a young person with “OK,” and you’re passive-aggressive. You’re supposed to be cute and say “kk.” I mean, whatever. Language is fluid and changes over time, but it’s hard to keep up.
End a sentence with a period in a text, and be prepared for, “Why you mad?” I once replied to a text where someone asked, “Are you available for lunch on Wednesday?” with “Sure!” and, based on their reaction, I thought using that word with an exclamation point might be a felony.
For now, I will consider it a life lesson and choose my emojis carefully. Oh, and if you want to say “peace” with an emoji, don’t use the two-finger emoji. Trust me.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years, and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.
