I finally decided it’s time to write a column that rhymes. It’s my way of laying down the hammer on all the mistakes I see in grammar. Maybe the message will resonate if you laugh while you contemplate!
In the land of words where letters play, grammar monsters romp all day. They swap a their for there with glee, and whisper, “its or it’s? Let’s see!” Bad grammar’s not just random sin— It sneaks beneath our learned skin. From texting teens to scholar’s prose, mistakes still blossom like a rose. We judge, we groan, we roll our eyes, but language shifts; it morphs, it flies. So, let’s explore this clumsy power— a tangled tale to pass the hour.
There’s your and you’re — a tragic pair, so often swapped without a care. “You’re welcome!” “Your welcome!”—that’s so wrong! Please, I beg you, don’t play along. “They’re, there, their” — doesn’t take much cognition; three homophones with distinct definitions. “They’re coming to their house right there”— a wordplay riddle without compare.
Who versus whom still haunts the halls of ivy-clad grammatical walls. Though whom is fading, scholars wail, subjects or objects? So often a fail. And commas! Mischief’s favorite tool— confusion abounds so follow the rule. A missing mark can twist your fate: “Let’s eat, Grandma!” or “Let’s eat Grandma!”—which group ate?
Now apostrophes! Possession, is that for one? Or is it owned by two or some? The cat’s toy shows the feline’s claim, but cats’ toy changes ownership’s name. Still, many write with careless glee, adding marks where none should be. “Apple’s for sale!” — one apple merely? Nope, plural apples, no apostrophes, clearly. It’s “its and it’s” — what’s your aim? A punctured rule, a writer’s shame? One shows it owns, one shows it is — forget the difference and you’ll fail the quiz.
Now verbs! Oh verbs, those action words, they morph to punish us grammar nerds. “I seen,” “I done,” “I brung,” “I swum.” To teachers’ ears, these sound quite dumb. Yet language bends to common will, and slang can break the teacher’s chill. For rules are made, then rules are broken — by tweets, by memes, by texts unspoken. We once said thou and wert and hast, but now those words are relics past. Tomorrow’s teens may scoff the same, when was and were swap out their game.
A dangling participle swings, like socks on lines or kites on strings. “Running fast, the gate was seen” — but gates don’t run! You know what I mean. And splitting infinitives — some cry foul! “To boldly go!” makes purists scowl. Yet why not boldly? Words must flow, even grammar gods should let that go. Mixed metaphors cause tangled fright: “She’s skating uphill in a fight.” What slope? What battle? Who can say? Bad grammar results in disarray.
Now enter phones, the modern age — where grammar leaves the digital cage. No capitals, no punctuation marks, just emojis lighting midnight sparks. “u r gr8” means love and cheer, “idk lol” rings loud and clear. Though teachers fume and grammarians flinch, the text-world shifts without a pinch. Language adapts to what we need— efficiency, not classic creed. It’s evolution, not decay, just syntax finding modern play.
For every rule that’s bent or slain, a spark of freedom still remains. Bad grammar’s not just careless crime; it’s rebellion shown in real time. When Shakespeare wrote, he too misused, made verbs from nouns the crowd refused. When Chaucer rhymed, he broke the mold, yet modern scholars call it gold. So maybe errors pave the way for how we’ll talk some distant day. Each slip, each mix, each verbal sin, might evolve from dialects we’re in.
So, here’s to grammar, right or wrong, to clunky prose and lyric song. To those who type with thumbs of fire, and poets twisting with desire. To “ain’t” and “gonna,” “should of” too, for showing speech that humans do. To comma splices, tense abuse— the flaws that keep our tongues so loose.
For language isn’t carved in stone. It grows; it shifts; it finds its own. And grammar, though it tries to reign, will always chase, but not contain. So, write your wrongs, and rhyme your mess, let critics scold while you express. For every their that’s out of place, there’s heart and humor in the space. Bad grammar’s wild, but don’t despair, it proves we live our language there. And if the rules all twist and bend? That’s how the best new words begin!
