I promise I’m not obsessed with death. It may seem like it – I’ve written about making a will and God knows I’ve come close, but now I’m all about making things easier for my loved ones when the inevitable occurs.
This is what happens when you turn 60 and beyond. You start realizing that there are way more years behind you than ahead of you. And when you’ve looked the Grim Reaper in the eye, it opens your own eyes as to what you’re leaving behind.
I came across this concept of the “Swedish Death Clean” recently, and it resonated. It’s about the practice of decluttering and organizing your possessions so that there’s less to do when it’s time for your executor or administrator to wrap up your estate. And in reading about it, I distinctly recall my grandmother giving me her cherished items when I was in my 20s and on my own. I was so honored that she passed on her Waterford crystal and silver (yes, it was real, I had it appraised). I didn’t understand at the time she was just getting rid of it but even now, I love having it and I do use it regularly.
At the ripe old age of 63, I have a lot of stuff. And while I adored my husband, he was a bit of a packrat. I am not. I will throw out things that I don’t use (and I was able to talk him into doing the same on several occasions) but my basement and garage are still full. Before COVID, we used to host parties all the time, and I have the sterno cups and chafing dishes to prove it. I have extra serving platters, soup tureens, punch bowls, dozens of wine and martini glasses and empty bottles for holiday eggnog disbursement. I don’t see myself using these things again, so now I’m trying to unload them.
And the tools. Tony never met a tool he didn’t want to own. I’m in the process of determining how best to repurpose these. I can’t bear the thought of sending everything into a landfill; I want to see others use what I no longer want to. I’ve posted in Buy Nothing Marblehead, but I think it’s time to spread out to a broader audience. (Although if you read this and want anything I’ve mentioned, please reach out.)
Have you ever seen Marie Condo’s videos? She’s all about the joy. You know – you hold an item, and if it doesn’t bring you joy, out it goes. I have to be honest here: Most of the things I own don’t bring me “joy.” They’re things I need, like my pots, pans, kitchen utensils, etc. If joy were the barometer, I would own nothing but clothes and shoes. OK, some of my furniture is pretty joyful, like my comfy couch, my reading chair, and my pillow top mattress. I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to get all excited about.
According to my research, the death clean lets you control who gets what when you start to declutter. The problem is, I don’t think anyone wants my mother’s china, my grandmother’s Waterford, or any of my other fancy dinner table accoutrements. These days, young couples starting out even forego having a dining room, so having china or crystal seems out of the question. I know my own nieces and nephews want no part of all this. Therefore, since I’m not ready to part with it, I use it. If I invite you over for dinner, we’re using the good china, even if I serve you pizza.
I still plan on sorting through all my accumulated things to declutter, but it’s slow going. And there are memories associated with some items that are tied to Tony that will be hard to let go of. The guilt! But I think he would understand. I’ve kept the things that are most meaningful to me, and I’ve also given away some of the things that are more important to his friends or family so that they will have those memories as well. And I will admit that it’s cathartic; I actually feel a little bit lighter whenever something leaves the house for good.
I was so happy to learn that the hazardous materials drop off is this week, and I plan to take advantage of that. Then, once the decluttering is completed, I’ll need help with organization. If you or anyone you know is interested, contact me!
