When your spouse dies, there’s a LOT to do. A lot. In my case, I was lucky that we had joint ownership of everything important: bank accounts, mortgage, deed to the house. Therefore, I didn’t probate his will, because he left everything to me anyway. The things he wanted individual people to have, I gave to them. I also gave away things I thought people would want to have in memory of him.
Not only did I have to handle all his affairs, but I had to do it from a hospital bed. I am so grateful to the hospital staff at both Salem and MGH for letting me use their printer and fax on the occasions it was necessary.
All of this is why my brother fondly dubbed me the “CEO of Death.” I thought about eventually making a business out of it by doing this for other people who are shellshocked from a loss like this. Making a thousand calls and emailing organizations, logging into various websites and all from the hospital, are one thing. Doing it while you are grieving your “person,” and being extremely sick and not in your right mind, are something else entirely.
While we had joint credit card accounts, he had his own cards, and I had mine. Luckily, he had written down all his passwords and I had access to that, so I was able to log in as him and change things over to me and cancel the cards in his name. Things you don’t really think too hard about, like Netflix, Amazon Prime, credit cards, Sirius XM radio, his own health insurance card, subscriptions to services – there was just so much. I’m also relieved that a lot of places would allow me to send a copy of the death certificate via email as opposed to a hard copy in the mail. And of course, I had to interact with his employer to arrange for final paychecks/life insurance/pension/401(k) etc. to be paid or accessible to me. Other things popped up here and there, and as of this writing (two years later), I am finally dealing with the mortgage and deed.
Then there’s the car. There were still two years left on the loan when he passed, and although I intended to keep it, I had to do something to register it in my name as the registration was going to expire on November 30, 2023. In early October (again, from the hospital), I contacted my insurance agent, who referred me to the lienholder. I now needed to have both the loan and the title of the car reissued in my name. Starting with the loan, I called and got a set of instructions, which I completed. I didn’t hear anything for a week, so I called again and got to another person, who gave me a different set of instructions. No response. Third time’s the charm, right? Wrong. I found out that the prior two people were both incorrect, and for this to happen, I would have to apply for my own loan, with a higher interest rate.
Now it’s dangerously close to November 30, so I got the payoff amount, decided it just wasn’t worth the hassle, and sent them a check. With the turnaround time to get the title, and with holidays approaching, this took a while. Finally, the title arrived in mid-January.
A friend recently told me how he wished his mother had been more prepared before she died. She refused to face her inevitable death and therefore her children were left scrambling, without any guidance on her wishes (no will) or access to her bank accounts, etc. It took years to settle her estate. If you haven’t thought about it, I urge you to do so. No one wants to contemplate death, but like taxes, it’s the debt we all pay. Don’t leave your heirs with a mess to clean up!
As for me, things still pop up occasionally, but I believe I have just about everything covered. I hope this doesn’t happen to you anytime soon! But if it does, contact me. I just may hire myself out.
Lisa Marchionda Fama is a retired attorney who has lived in Marblehead for seven years, loves this town, and hopes she never leaves. Visit her blog at TheSoberWidow.com.
