Town featured in The Onion

Marblehead was featured in satirical publication “The Onion” last week. Photo by The Onion

Marblehead gets a lot of press. As a result, residents are used to seeing the town’s name crop up in news stories on a near-constant basis. But in The Onion? 

“Parents Waiting To See Son’s Test Scores Before Prohibiting Him From Playing Football,” was published in The Onion Friday, complete with a “MARBLEHEAD, MA” dateline leading the story.

The story features an interview with local parents Jim and Angela Garza, whose 8-year-old son Isaac wants to play football. The Garzas say they’re only considering letting their son play the sport, which places its players at high risk for head injuries, because he’s had trouble reading. As a result, Isaac’s standardized tests are set to determine his fate.

“We’re certainly concerned about what concussions and other injuries can do to a young body, but we don’t want to tell Isaac no if it turns out he flubs his standardized tests,” Jim Garza told The Onion.

When the article made its way to Facebook, some residents were outraged.

“Are you [expletive] me!!!” wrote Josh Hopkins. “Potential parents should have to pass a test before procreating. Nowadays, nothing shocks me.”

“What?…” added Marge Gallo Armstrong.

There’s only one problem. The Onion is satire, as many were happy to point out on Facebook.

With the story, The Onion is the fifth newspaper to join the fray in town in the last year-plus — a fact that has generated much discussion amongst residents.

The Marblehead connection on this story seemingly begins and ends with the dateline, but for a sports-obsessed town, it hit home.