“You need self-control in an out-of-control world.” — James C. Collins.
We need the ability to control ourselves no matter what the world looks like, but these days? So much of what is happening around us seems to be out of anyone’s control. Seriously, who is in charge here? It’s getting hard to tell. If it’s not politics, it’s the weather. If it’s not either of those issues, we can always blame the economy, the Internet, and “these kids today,” whatever that means.
I don’t know a single person who isn’t busy working, raising a family, helping out in the community, or staying active in the causes that matter to them. No one I know has time to sit back and let the world go by them. We all pick and choose what we want and don’t want in our lives, but what happens when a situation comes up that we cannot change?
Recently, I had a work project that was full of moving parts. Some of which I had a bit of control over, some of which were the responsibility of others. It all got done on time, but my stress levels were through the roof because of the parts that others handled. The group that worked on those bits is exceptionally competent. There was absolutely no reason for me to worry that it wouldn’t be on time or that it wouldn’t be right. Still, I had no control over that part, and it got under my skin. I’m not someone who has to control everything around me; I realize no one can do that, but it’s hard to be responsible for something and yet let others manage parts of it. At least it was for me.
There are so many sayings and proverbs about how we can’t control the behavior of others, we can only control our own behavior and our own reactions. I’m a quote girl; I look to the words of others sometimes to make sense of a situation. It never makes me feel better to hear that there is nothing I can do about something that is bothering me. It’s taken me until my early sixties to accept that I live in New England, so there will be blizzards and biting cold, the roads will be bad, and school will be canceled or not, regardless of what I think the right choice should be.
I have a coffee mug that says I am Queen of the Universe; there is another word on it, but I will leave it out. On the wall of my kitchen is a framed picture of me with my kids that reads, “She who must be obeyed.” I have to confess—neither of those sentiments is true, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s still a little irksome, but I’ve come to mostly accept it and realize that if I were in charge of the universe, I would fail miserably, because there is way more math than I am comfortable with, and by day three, I’d be sick of it all.
There are areas I call “hot button zones” where the lack of control is epic. One of them is any airport. It should say “Abandon all hope” right over the door of every terminal, because if it’s not weather, it will be a mechanical issue or a crew timing out, or some passenger next to me chewing on an onion sandwich. Grocery stores are another place where you think you have control, but you don’t. Has anyone ever noticed that when you pay for your food, the machine shows your total and asks, “Is this amount OK?” You know what happens if you say no? The cashier looks at you like you have two heads and says, “Hit the yes button, please.” Well, you know, they did ask; why ask if it’s not an option to haggle a little?
These are just little parts of my day and my environment that are out of my control. There’s a lot else, but sometimes, I think it’s best just to keep repeating, “I can’t fix it, I can’t change it, I’m walking away.” It’s not always helpful, but it’s all I have. I will always keep looking for ways to change what I can, but lately, there is so much that’s out of my reach. For now, the best I can do is not scream where there are people and try not to throw anything at anyone. I’m doing the best I can.
