Sorry men, this one’s for my lady readers, but if you are married or partnered up with a woman, you may want to read this anyway.
As I may have told you, I’m a woman “of a certain age.” I’ve been through that dreaded period in a woman’s life and have come out the other side. While I knew what I went through, I wondered about other women’s experiences. I have friends my own age and those who are within 10 years or so either way, so I asked around to determine their encounters with the “M” word. Of course, we had all compared notes over the years, but not in any real depth.
Turns out experiences vary – WIDELY. And because I have a diverse group of friends, some are in different stages. I’ll group them like this:
- Pre/perimenopausal (starting symptoms but not yet fully in it);
- Fully in it (all sorts of physical symptoms and spotty periods);
- Done, no periods for at least a year.
Then there are the women who were thrust into it by virtue of a complete hysterectomy for reasons such as cancer, fibroids, endometriosis, etc. That happened to my mother when she was 41, as well as my aunt when she had her third child after a very dangerous pregnancy. As a friend put it to me when she had hers in her late 30s, “imagine waking up from surgery to your first, full-blown hot flash!” I’m on the fence as to whether this sort of instant menopause has any benefits, but it’s one way that nature forces upon you.
When I think of pre/perimenopausal women, I can’t help but picture the scene between Edith and Archie Bunker (I’m a “certain age,” remember? If you don’t know what I mean, look it up) when she has terrible mood swings that are completely unlike her sunny disposition, and Archie finds out she’s going through “the change.” So, he tells her “Hurry up and change already!” And gives her 30 seconds to do so. It’s hysterical (pardon the pun). Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. For some women, maybe it takes a year or two. For most of us, it’s much longer than that. In some cases, like mine, more like 10. And our poor loved ones suffer through it (not more than we do, let’s be clear about that).
Symptoms can range from the well-known hot flashes, to irritability, sleeplessness, weight gain and crying at the drop of a hat. Hot flashes are the most fun, though. They start at your feet and course right up to your head. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire. One such day I was hosting a bridal shower in July 2015, outside in a tent. Why we felt it was necessary to have it outside is anyone’s guess, but it was the hottest day of 2015. I was lucky enough to get a hot wave in the middle of the day and afterward, I was completely, totally drenched in my pretty dress. Including my hair. People were coming up to me asking if I was alright!
My pre/perimenopausal friends tell me that they wish their doctors had warned them about the full implications of what they would face. I was surprised to hear this, even from those with women doctors. I guess it’s just not on their radar, regardless of their patients’ ages. As with so many things, it’s up to us to do our own research. In mine and others’ lives, our mothers died long before we got to that stage, so we had no one to ask for common family history. Therefore, if you haven’t gotten there yourself, you may want to talk to your relatives.
I’ve also heard from some women who received hormone supplements, or used natural supplements, to combat the loss of estrogen during the process. There are holistic solutions that work for many or at least help them to cope. Again, talk to your doctor about your specific needs.
And if you haven’t heard of it already, there is a hilarious woman who has an Instagram profile called @justbeingmelani. She’s the host of the popular “we do not care” reels, targeted to women in menopause. One sample that made me laugh out loud: “We do not care if our house is messy when you come over. Also, don’t come over.”
Stay tuned for part 2. If you dare!
Lisa Marchionda Fama is a retired attorney who has lived in Marblehead for seven years, loves this town, and hopes she never leaves. Visit her blog at TheSoberWidow.com.
