This is part 2 of my menopause series. I thought it was high time to dive into the world of the older woman and what she faces in this uncharted (for her) territory.
As you may recall, last week I discussed the stages of menopause as I saw them:
- Pre/perimenopausal (starting symptoms but not yet fully in it);
- Fully in it (all sorts of physical symptoms and spotty periods);
- Done, no periods for at least a year.
I went into some detail on stages 1 and 2, but haven’t yet explored stage 3. And even stage 2 doesn’t feel complete to me yet. I must mention that stage 2 drags out, and out, and out. You may be done (or almost done) with your periods, but that’s when the hormones really start dancing. Losing estrogen causes havoc in the female body. In many cases, the symptoms are worse than before, at least for some women. One friend told me that she had heart palpitations, anxiety, insomnia, joint pain, hair loss, and skin rashes. And let’s not forget what it does to your essential “womanhood” (I’m trying to be delicate and use a euphemism, so please play along). We’ll just imply that your skin isn’t the only thing that is very dry, and hair isn’t the only thing you lose. I’m going to drop the word “libido” and run away.
Every woman’s experience is different, but they all seem to face what feels like betrayal from their bodies. Emotions are already running high due to the hormone fluctuations, so it’s not unusual to snap at your partners, children, co-workers, or whoever’s in your line of fire. Doctors’ opinions vary on whether hormone replacement therapy is appropriate. I remember when I was going through it, my aunt recommended that I ask my doctor to put me on estrogen pills. I had to remind her that they don’t do that anymore. But there are other avenues and other therapies you can explore if necessary. Always, always run it by your doctor first.
Experts say that you’re finished with menopause if you haven’t had a period for one year. That means your reproductive years are over. As someone who never had children, it was sadder for me than it might be for others. I didn’t really have any hope that I would have a child once I hit 40, and we stopped trying after that anyway, but it’s the finality that hurts. The knowledge that Yes! You are now childless forever! Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. There was a little grief there, but I rebounded.
According to my doctor, even in “postmenopause,” you are still subject to occasional hot flashes, mood swings, and that aforementioned dryness. I do have a hot flash every now and then, but my body temperature has pretty much stabilized. Again, there are treatments you can explore with your doctor for every postmenopausal symptom, and some of my friends and I are doing just that.
My research also indicates that there are other cognitive changes that are associated with menopause at every stage. These include: forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, brain fog (mental fuzziness), slower thinking, or problems finding words. I always thought that any of these changes pointed to getting older, so I was surprised (and a little pleased, I have to admit) that it is very likely due to the big M. Apparently, estrogen supports brain function, and as the levels drop, short-term memory and other functions are affected. And if you’re like me, and need your eight hours of sleep, the irregularity of sleep during menopause also impacts your brain function.
I did a quick online search on books about menopause, and there are quite a few out there. Although I am a self-professed nerd, I wouldn’t do well with a highly technical summary; my eyes would glaze over. But (for example) the actress Naomi Watts wrote a book entitled “Dare I Say It: Everything I Wish I’d Known About Menopause,” and I’ll bet it’s a funny and relatable story.
I’ll leave you with this tidbit: Sunday night, I attended Sarah Millican’s comedy show “Late Bloomer.” She’s a British comedian whose routine is about life as a woman, and menopause is a big one. One of her jokes had me in tears. Her theory is that when women are finished with their periods, Ikea sends them a white sofa and a card saying “congratulations!”
Lisa Marchionda Fama is a retired attorney who has lived in Marblehead for seven years, loves this town, and hopes she never leaves. Visit her blog at TheSoberWidow.com.
