Well, the holidays are upon us. This means that we are all thinking about parties, festivities, family dinners, and friends gathering around us, where we will find food, fun, and very likely, alcohol.
As I’ve shared with you, I don’t drink. I can’t, or I will die. That sounds so dramatic! But sadly, it’s true, and I have no one to blame but myself. For those of you who just discovered this section of the newspaper, I can sum it up briefly: spent a few years overindulging, got very sick with liver disease, and had a liver and kidney transplant exactly two years ago as of today’s publication date. This “anniversary” of sorts, while very meaningful to me, means I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it lately, especially in light of what’s happening in our town.
I’m firmly on the side of don’t drink, or if you do, do so sparingly and in moderation. And for heaven’s sake, don’t do it if you’re driving. We’ve seen tragedy recently in our town, and there’s all kinds of talk about parties where minors are allowed to drink. I try not to judge too much, but you can probably imagine how I feel about it. I grew up in an Italian household, and when I was a teenager, my parents would let me have a taste of wine with dinner, but nothing more than that. And when I traveled to Spain, I was surprised to see kids in bars with their parents after 8 p.m., but that’s when they had dinner due to the long siesta in the early afternoon. It was not that significant to them, and the children themselves weren’t drinking.
I know people who say, “Well, my 17-year-old is going to drink anyway, so it might as well be at home where I can watch him/her.” That’s wrong for so many reasons. First and foremost: Teens’ brains are still developing. How is it a good idea to give them alcohol voluntarily? It can stunt memory formation, impulse control, emotional regulation, and decision-making. And studies show that teens who drink with parental permission are more likely to drink heavily outside the home and have a higher risk of developing alcohol issues later in life. Making it available at home can inadvertently signal that drinking is normal or expected.
When parents allow drinking at home, teens often think that alcohol isn’t a big deal and assume that their parents won’t mind if they drink elsewhere. This can lead to riskier behaviors outside the home, like driving while intoxicated, binge drinking, or unsafe sex. In my mind, it’s a snowball rolling down the hill, gathering more and more trouble disguised as snow as it descends.
And let’s not forget the legal ramifications. As a lawyer, this is always the first thing I think of. If you allow teens who are not your own to drink in your home, who’s responsible if something happens when they leave? You guessed it! What if they get hurt or hurt someone else? I hope these parents have a lot of liability insurance. It’s not a joke, of course, because there could also be deadly consequences.
A dear friend recently confided in me that she went over to a neighbor’s house for their son’s high school graduation party. He and his friends had tapped a keg, with parental permission. They are all underage. When my friend (a fellow lawyer) saw this, she remarked on it to the hostess, who defended her choice by reiterating the theory I mentioned above: that they were going to go out and drink anyway, so it might as well be under her roof where she could keep an eye on them. She felt there was nothing wrong with that.
That’s a pretty weak argument, ma’am. Consider that not all teenagers want to drink. But if they are “allowed” to, and all their friends are doing it, they will probably feel some peer pressure to join in. This leads to confusion in their (still forming) minds and could potentially get them in trouble with their own parents, who might not know they are at a party where this is happening.
So, what can parents do instead? How about having a simple conversation with your teens, for starters. Ask them how they feel about alcohol, how many of their friends are already drinking, and have they ever been in a situation that made them feel uncomfortable or awkward? Were they pressured to fit in? My answer to almost anything like this is always open and honest communication, which I know can be challenging (and I don’t have children, so I admit I don’t know what this feels like). But you have to start somewhere. Why do it AFTER your precious child has been arrested, or is in the hospital? Or someone else is? They deserve better. And so do you. Be safe, everyone, and happy holidays.
