This past weekend, I drove to Burlington, Vermont, to take part in Homecoming Weekend at my alma mater, Saint Michael’s College (class of ’83). Homecoming wasn’t really the reason I went; I was a Fine Arts/Drama major, and I spent a lot of time in the McCarthy Arts Center, which has just gone through a renovation. The grand reopening was scheduled for that weekend.
I’ve kept in touch with a few people since college and retained some dear friends from that time in my life. I invited a friend to accompany me for the weekend as I thought there might be a lot of downtime to enjoy the area, especially in the fall foliage season (yes, it is stunningly gorgeous there right now!). However, in hindsight, I am glad I went alone, since the theatre folks scheduled quite a few activities that kept me busy most of the time. I would have felt terribly guilty about reminiscing with old friends while my travel partner twiddled his thumbs.
I wasn’t an actor, although I did have to take some acting classes toward my major. But as I tell people often, I’m terrible at it. I tell a great story or joke, often embellishing with gestures, facial expressions, etc., but if I TRY to act, it will be obvious, and I will stink up the place. Rather, I was more attracted to the backstage stuff – stage managing, directing and screenwriting. (In fact, my friend Melissa and I grew up together and wanted to try writing for television after college. I moved to Los Angeles with her and after six months, I couldn’t wait to come home. I hated L.A. so much. So that dream never materialized.)
Not being an actor means that I had less of a presence, which is why I was concerned that people wouldn’t remember me, or at least not very well. I should not have underestimated myself – naturally, my sparkling personality proved that theory wrong (ha ha). And time has a way of looking backward in a kindlier way. You remember the fun things as opposed to the grunt work of putting together a production (when you’re a student, you must do everything at least once, and that includes set building and decoration, lighting, costumes, and props).
At the time, Saint Michael’s was revered nationwide for its theatre department; we were one of six colleges to win the American College Theatre Festival in 1981 and 1982 (performing on the Terrace Theatre of the Kennedy Center, no less). I wasn’t involved in the first one, but I was a cast member for “The Birds” by Aristophanes (my dad said I was the best bird 😊). Ironically, all alumni were invited to participate in the weekend, and many graduates did attend. But our class had one of the best turnouts. Since Saint Michael’s hasn’t gone back to the ACTF since then, we felt like celebrities (I say this with tongue firmly in cheek).
Given how I spent my weekend, I’ve been thinking about the word “reminiscing” a lot, especially since I had to spend 3.5 hours in the car on Sunday driving home. “Reminiscing” means “thinking back on or recalling memories, often with a sense of fondness or nostalgia.” When people reminisce, they reflect on moments from the past, sometimes sharing stories or feelings about those experiences. It’s like looking back and reliving special times or events that have meaning to them. But if you want to experience the “fond” memories, you tend to gloss over the not-so-fond ones.
I agree it takes up way too much energy to focus on bad memories, but are we curating our own lives when we do that? I mean, I know I learned from the bad ones more than the good ones because they taught me what I shouldn’t do, or say, or something like that. Is that enough? Should I instead look back more often on what I did wrong, or on an unpleasant experience? I’m going to go out on a limb and say no. I learned from it, I made amends when necessary, and then I moved on. I think that’s enough. Of course, people involved in those experiences may have different ideas, but I think dwelling on things you can’t change is a waste of time.
At this point in my life, I’m intent on making good memories with people I love. I’d like to look back, years from now, and be content with what I remember without having to make any edits.
Lisa Marchionda Fama is a retired attorney who has lived in Marblehead for seven years, loves this town, and hopes she never leaves. Visit her blog at TheSoberWidow.com.
