“A little retail therapy does the soul good.” — Nyakim Gatwech
I recently overheard someone tell another person, “Shopping doesn’t help. Buying new shoes isn’t going to fix your problems.” They weren’t talking to me, so there was no opportunity to shout, “Not today, Satan. Don’t you come at me with that blasphemy!”
Seriously, I’d have done it.
While it’s true that the only problems buying new shoes will fix are likely best dealt with by a qualified podiatrist, purchasing a pair of shoes (or any accessory) can absolutely make a person feel better. Ask me how I know, and I will skip over to you and show you the nice new pair of red pumps I scored this weekend. I feel great, and they were a thrift store find, so I didn’t even break the budget.
As with almost anything, it’s a question of degree. Should we spend all our money, possibly racking up credit card debt, just for the quick dopamine hit of buying something new and fun? Of course not. Still, it’s essential to know that buying yourself a little treat can lift your mood. The key lies in finding the boundary between the positives of a purchase and the problems that could come with a pattern of emotional spending. Here’s what I try to do when walking the line between treat and trouble.
- Is it necessary? Not everything we buy is a need, and it’s perfectly fine to want a new bag or a vintage scarf “just because.” When you think about it, most of what we own isn’t 100% necessary. Do I need 12 pairs of red pumps? Well…maybe not. Also, shut up.
- Can I afford it? Math is not my jam; it’s a good day when no one has to watch me count on my fingers and use a calculator and flashcards to figure out a restaurant check, but I do know how to read a bank balance. If the choice is to pay a necessary bill or buy a little something, the bill gets paid. The question I never ask is, “Should I buy this?” Because “should” is a harsh word for me; who among us doesn’t do something they shouldn’t once in a while?
- Is it harmful? Doesn’t this go without saying? Please don’t buy things that will hurt you. Whether it’s a bottle of wine, a scratch ticket, or just a sugary donut, if it will make you feel terrible, physically or mentally, don’t buy it. Maybe look for something harmless and fun. I spent $10 once on a tiny silver pig that came in a little box and did nothing but sit on my desk. Sure, I could have saved that money or spent it on food or rent, but it made me smile. Worth it, for sure.
- Will I regret it? How would I know? How do any of us know? This world we live in is getting a little scary sometimes. Who knows what tomorrow might bring, so I don’t spend much time worrying about figuring out if a $5 pair of sunglasses will be next week’s “coulda shoulda woulda” moment. As long as a purchase doesn’t result in a bad outcome, financial or otherwise, you’re good.
- Why do I want this? Sometimes, the answer is, “Because I do!” followed by a scowl indicating my fierce determination to have my way. Can I explain why I wanted the silly bear statue from a tacky gift shop on vacation? No, I cannot, but I have it, and I love it. It’s fine not to know why some small treat works for you; as long as you know what to do about the big stuff, the little things will fall into place.
We all make purchases that others might look at and judge harshly. When those people are paying your bills, you can listen, but if they aren’t, you can ignore them. If a pair of socks that have tacos on them will spark joy for you today, buy them and wear them proudly. If someone points and laughs, well, then you’ve made someone else happy, too. Enjoy yourself; you deserve it.
Brenda Kelley Kim has lived in Marblehead for 50 years and is an author, freelance writer, and mother of three. Her column appears weekly.
